Red Letters

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”  He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”  “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Luke 10:25-28, Matthew 5:43-48, Luke 6:27-28, Matthew 7:12, Matthew 5:23-24, Matthew 6:14-15, John 15:12-14, Matthew 5:38-42, Matthew 5:14-16, Matthew 7:1-5, Matthew 5:19, John 8:32

The Opposite of Faith isn't Doubt...

  One of the pastors at my church recently made the statement that “the opposite of faith isn’t doubt, it is certainty.”

Through my 27 years of working in the church, I have seen over and over again this statement ring true.  

The first time I learned this lesson was in college when I had a professor ask me “Kevin, do you believe your understanding of God is 100% correct?”  The answer to that question is obviously no (hopefully it is obvious).  It would be rather arrogant to think that I have God 100% figured out.  When I told my professor that no, I don’t think my understanding of God is 100% correct; his follow up question disarmed me a bit.  He simply said, “well…what do you think you have wrong?”  

Up until that point, within my religious studies at Greensboro College, I had been rather certain.  I had been taught that doubt was the opposite of faith, so I left no room for it.  The problem is, certainty wasn’t allowing for any tension in my faith, and I have learned that our faith grows the most through tension.  Much like working out at a gym, if we don’t provide tension to our bodies, our bodies do not have the opportunity to get stronger.  If we provide no tension to our faith, our faith won't grow.  

I left that conversation much more open to listening to other people’s understanding of God.  I allowed tension, even when it was uncomfortable.  

These days, I spend far less time on social media than I used to.  As I scrolled through comments and posts this morning, it hit me one of the things that I struggle with the most on social media.  I struggle with certainty.  Primarily, I struggle with the certainty of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  

Through my years in ministry, I have had the opportunity to work with lots of young people wresting with their faith.  One very consistent theme throughout the years, is that they love Jesus.  They love Jesus’ message.  They love the way Jesus treated others and that he simplified the “law" to "Love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and love your neighbors as yourself."  To them, it is simple...if you love God with all you have, and love your neighbor as yourself...you won't lie, cheat, steal, murder, gossip, etc.  

They may love Jesus, but they really really struggle with the church.  In a conversation with a young man that had gone off to college, but drifted from the institutional church, he said something that has always stuck with me.

“It doesn’t bother me that the church is full of hypocrites, it bothers me that the church is full of people trying to prove they aren’t hypocrites.”  

In our conversation, he explained that he expected the church to be full of broken people…after all scripture tells that “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23.  This young man expected the church to be full of broken people…because we are all broken, but said every church he had visited was full of people trying to prove they had it all together.  He quoted 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  

He struggled because he found no vulnerability.  He struggled because he found people compartmentalizing their faith…only applying Truth to certain areas of their lives.  He struggled because he saw the church taking a zero tolerance approach to some sin, and completely ignoring others.  Conveniently, the sin that was generally ignored was how folks in that church struggled with sin, and the sin that there was zero tolerance for was sin that folks didn’t struggle with or understand.  

Like to gossip?  Come on, we will mask our gossip as prayer request! You belong!

Struggle with drunkenness?  Well, get your life together and then we would love to welcome you.  

Don’t mind a little favoritism or backbiting?  Come on (well, as long as you are in the same socioeconomic status as us and want to bad mouth the people we don’t like)! You belong!

Wait, you are living with your girlfriend/boyfriend?  Nope, not here, we don’t tolerate sexual immorality.  

Want to hate a certain group of people?  Well, we hate them too!  Let’s go! You belong!

You want to welcome all people and leave the judging to God?  Get that out of here…the church needs accountability!  

Accountability…Through the years when I have pushed folks on this topic, accountability is often what is thrown back to me.  “If as a church, we don’t hold people accountable, then we will morally degrade and become secular…no different than the rest of the world.”  I agree, I think accountability is important.  However, I believe strongly that accountability is most appropriate and has the greatest effect when it is done in the midst of relationship.  The better and deeper we know each other, the easier it is to hold each other accountable without resentment.  My close friend and family can hold me accountable in ways that someone I just met cannot.  I think the key to that is trust…you cannot have accountability without trust…and you cannot have trust without relationship.  Accountability outside of relationship is, well…judgement.  If I am holding people accountable that I don’t know, I lack the context and relationship for accountability to be effective.  I think it is important to note that accountability is only effective when it is in a relationship that allows accountability to go both ways.  Too often in church, we are all about holding other people accountable, but don’t you dare try to hold me accountable.  

It is impossible to develop a relationship with someone that you villainize or exclude.  If I start off a conversation with “you are an idiot” or “you are evil”…I should not be surprised if the other person doesn’t really listen to or respect what I have to say.  Dehumanizing the “other side” isn’t the work of the Holy Spirit…it is the work of the flesh.  Dehumanizing or villainizing the other side ignores the fact that “the other side” are also children of God…Children that God deeply loves.  

Watching post on social media lately…we as Christians seem awfully certain.  We think being confident in our faith means we have to come across as certain in our faith. We think if we don’t come across as certain, that our faith looks weak.  And if our faith looks weak…our witness becomes weak.  However, I believe wholeheartedly that our certainty is killing our witness.  

Our certainty isn’t bring people to God…it is driving them away from God.  My favorite quote is by Oliver Goldsmith, “You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.”   Ultimately, the heart of this quote is that you cannot preach a sermon if your life doesn’t match what your lips are saying.  Our message of God’s love falls short when we show hate.  Our message of accountability falls short when we don’t allow others to hold us accountable.  Our message of Jesus being Lord of our life, falls short when others see that we only allow Jesus to be Lord of only parts of our lives.  

We are awfully certain of ourselves, thinking we are the only ones that understand God fully, and we flash this certainty while compartmentalizing our faith.  It is obvious to those on the outside that we are allowing God to only touch certain parts of our lives.  We act like only the sins of others is the problem, and our sins aren’t a big deal.  If you sin like me, you belong…if you sin differently than me, then you are evil and need to be hated.  We are outraged when it is convenient, but ignore other issues when it doesn’t fit our narrative.  Too many of us are allowing our politics to shape our faith rather than our faith shape our politics.  We are using a political platform to justify how we read scripture, rather than allowing scripture (through the Holy Spirit) to guide our politics.  We seem to think the way forward is to drive people to our political party.  If we can just get them to agree with our platform, they will find salvation.  If we can just get people to agree with us, they will find salvation.

But our salvation doesn’t come 

…through a political party

…through certainty

…our own goodness 

…our own “rightness”

it comes 

…through repentance (which can only come with vulnerability) of our sins.

…through God’s grace.  

…through the cross.  

If I am certain of anything, it is that we are not going to lead people to God by leading them to a political party, a certain platform, or a certain way of thinking.  We will only lead people to God when we lead them to the cross.  We best lead people to the cross through relationship.  I’ve had the honor of leading many people to the cross.  I’ve had the pleasure of seeing people accept God’s into their life for the first time.  Every single time I’ve had that honor…it is because I’ve had a relationship with that individual.   

Our way forward is through building deeper relationships.  It isn’t an easy road, because relationships are hard.  True relationships are messy.  True relationships require honesty, vulnerability, acts of service done in love, encouragement, compromise, selflessness, respect, humility, and more. 

If you want a great passage to guide you in how to build deeper relationships as a people of faith…1 Corinthians 13 gives us a great blueprint.  Yes, it is a passage often read at weddings.  However, in full context, it is a passage that immediately follows Paul’s instructions how to have unity and celebrate diversity in the church body.  1 Corinthians 13 is great instructions for how to have healthy love within a marriage, but it is intended to be instructions on how to love well within the body of Christ.

If I speak in tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient

Love is kind

It does not envy

It does not boast

It is not proud

It does not dishonor others

It is not self-seeking

It is not easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil

Love rejoices with the truth

It always protects

Always trusts

Always hopes

Always perseveres

Love never fails. 

But where there are prophecies, they will cease

Where there are tongues, they will be stilled

Where there is knowledge, it will pass

For we know in part

We prophesy in part

But when completeness comes

What is in part disappears

When I was a child,

I talked like a child

I thought like a child

I reasoned like a child

When I became a man

I put the ways of childhood behind me

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror

Then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part

Then I shall know full

Even as I am fully known

And now these three things remain: 

Faith

Hope

Love

But the greatest of these is love

Let this be your litmus test.   

Let this be your measure of faith.

If you are to be certain in anything…be certain in this.  

Because the opposite of faith isn’t doubt…

…it is certainty.  

Is (s)he God?

A few Sundays ago, I woke up on Sunday morning and decided that church just wasn't in the cards for the day.  I had overdone it on Saturday frying turkeys for the youth luncheon fundraiser. We decided to run to "old mcDonalds" for breakfast since fixing breakfast seemed like a tall task at the moment (Amy and I have both been quite tired and worn the last month or so).  Amy and Anna made it into McDonalds before James and I did.  They got to the line just before another gentleman did and Amy let him in front of her since James and I hadn't made it in yet.  A few minutes later, after we had given our order, I started to pull out my wallet to pay, but the same gentleman jumped up to the counter and told the employee he was paying and there would be no discussion about it.  He said he was thankful that Amy had let him in front of her and just wanted to do something nice for us.

All morning long, I had been reflecting on how overwhelmed I have been with the outpouring of support for us over the last few months.  Getting a little teary, I thanked the gentleman and just told him he had no idea what his generosity meant to us after what has been a really tough couple of months.  He asked what was going on and I told him I had recently gotten the "all clear" from 2 separate cancer diagnosis.  I wanted him to have an idea of what impact his simple act of kindness had made on me. He got a bit teary himself and said he couldn't wait to tell his wife the story.

We went our separate ways and sat down to enjoy our meal.  The gentleman sat across the room from us and of course finished before we did (we did have Anna and James...and a meal with them is quite an event).  When the gentleman finished his meal, he made his way over to us.  He handed me a handful of cash and told us that God wanted us to have it.  He is retired from the radiology field and now drives for uber just for people interaction.  He almost always is in the Gastonia and airport area, but a client brought him to Huntersville that morning.  He felt as if God had made our paths cross just so he could meet us.  He also said, working in radiology, he often saw patients that never got the "all clear" and it did his heart good to hear a positive outcome for us.  The cash was the money he had made driving that day.  We thanked him profusely and he left.

At this point, I was just tired and overwhelmed and began to cry.  Not sad tears, just happy tears.  Thankful tears.  Overwhelmed tears.  Weary tears.

Of course, with a 4 year old at the table, there are always lots of questions.  Anna was curious about the exchange.  She was curious why he would give us money (we had already told her he bought our food).  She was curious why daddy was teary (anyone who knows me knows I am not an overly emotional individual).  We explained to her what the man said and why he paid for our meal and gave us money.

And then in one simple question, Anna showed she has a greater understanding of faith and God than many adults do, she asked, "Daddy, is he God?"

I just had to laugh a bit and answered, "In a way Anna, yes. Yes he is.  He is doing what God wants us to do and showing love to others."

Truth be told, our family has seen God in many different forms the last few months.  We have seen God in doctors, nurses, and hospital staff.  We have seen God in our neighbors who have brought meals, bagged leaves, babysat so I could make doctors appointments, and played with our kids. We have seen God in our church family through meals, cards, babysitting, spending the night so Amy and I could have a night out, and in never questioning things when I have missed so much work.  We have had meals provided by friends from college (and out of state friends at that), friends from my home church, friends from previous churches I have worked at, neighbors, and church members.

We have certainly seen God.  And we are extremely thankful.  2018 has not been the kindest of years to our family and we could not have made it through without the support of all of you.

As far as my health goes.  I have been given the "all clear" for both the testicular cancer and the kidney cancer.  Two surgeries and I am done.  No chemotherapy.  No radiation.  Just 5 years of active surveillance.

However, the "battle" isn't entirely behind us.  I will be having one more surgery on December 20th for an inguinal hernia that has developed at the site of the first surgery.  Compared to the first two surgeries, this one should be a cake walk.  After all, they will just be pushing body parts back in instead of removing them. :-)  I should only be out of work 7-10 days at most, and can hopefully return to work in 2019 with a fairly clean bill of health.

As far as the two spots on the lung, my next CT scan will be late January/early morning February.  The hope and expectation are that those two spots are just scar tissue.  The great news is that if they are cancerous, it would be really really early.

Thank you all for being God to our family and being Christ-like in your love and actions.

We really do mean it when we say we couldn't have made it through 2018 without each of you.

Love,
The Ward Family.

The Good, The Bad, and the Ughhhhhh

I wanted to take a moment to update folks on my latest health findings.

The good:
I met with my surgeon yesterday and he has cleared me for "whatever activity I feel like doing."  I don't plan on going out to run any marathons, but I didn't plan on that before surgery either.  ha ha
It is nice to not be limited in activity, though I didn't always follow orders anyway.

For the most part, it is fairly safe to say that testicular cancer is in our rearview mirror.

The bad:
As I mentioned in a previous post, they had found a spot on my kidney that was concerning.  Dr. K ordered a biopsy of the kidney to be a little more aggressive in finding out what was going on with it. The radiologist didn't want to do a "blind biopsy" and wanted some imaging done first.  So two weeks ago I had an MRI for the kidney.  Wednesday, the doctor's office called and said that the findings showed the lesion appears to be a tumor.  So they ordered the biopsy to be done and that was scheduled for September 25th.  Yesterday (Thursday) I went in to talk to Dr. K about the MRI.  He is about 90% sure I have renal cell carcinoma (kidney cancer).  He said he only says 100% when he has pathology or a biopsy.  He was not happy that the biopsy was 3 weeks out and decided to cancel the biopsy and go ahead and refer me to a surgeon for a partial nephrectomy.  They will remove the tumor and about 15% of my kidney with robotic laparoscopic surgery.  My consult with the surgeon is scheduled for September 26th, but my doctor isn't thrilled with that timeline either and plans to call the doctor to try to get it moved up.

The ugh:
Frankly, our family is tired.  It has been a long year and all the waiting for answers is wearing.  This one has weighed on us a bit more than the seminoma did.  This happening during the school year means there is just lots more to juggle.  Though we will still have to wait on pathology to confirm that I have renal cell carcinoma, the doctor is convinced enough that it is a bit unnerving.  He wants answers as to why a relatively healthy 39 year old has (potentially) two unrelated cancers at the same time.  He said that my oncologist will likely want to do some testing to see if there is an underlying issue that makes me susceptible to cancer.  That will likely include genetic testing, testing for autoimmune issues, and most likely lots more tests and doctors visits.  Hearing cancer the first time brought no real emotional response, because by the time I heard the word cancer, it was used in past tense.  This time, it is still there looming and is present tense.
Those that know me also know that I love my job and we love our church.  I've missed a lot of work this year and it has been really hard to plan and do my job with so much uncertainty.  There is no real end in sight for that uncertainty right now, and that makes planning and doing my job difficult.  It means that a parts of my job will simply not get done.  That bugs me more than a lot of other things going on.  Another surgery will mean more missed work.  Another surgery means less time being able to play with my kids.  Another surgery means it will be even longer before I can really help Amy with the house and kids.  I'm tired of "resting."  I know I need to, but I'm tired of sitting around.


Despite the latest news, there is still lots to be thankful for.
Had I not had an infection, it likely would have been a while before we really discovered the testicular cancer.
Had we not found the testicular cancer, we would not have found the spot on the kidney.
Dr. K said yesterday, that had we not found this early, there was a good chance I would not be around in 3-5 years.

I am thankful that we have found everything early.
I am thankful that we have such an amazing support system.
I am thankful for a medical team that holds my health as more important than their egos. (This isn't always the case with doctors, and I'd be happy to share some of the stories with why we love our medical team).
I am thankful to have a wife that stays strong and holds it all together for us.
I am also thankful that when Amy doesn't feel strong, people are there to hold her up.
I am thankful for my kids and the joy they bring.

Here is James' response to the latest lemon that life has thrown our family:

After yesterday's news, we didn't feel like cooking dinner, so we went out to eat.  James thoroughly enjoyed eating the lemons they brought to the table.  So, when life gives you lemons, enjoy the heck out of them.  

Anna's response to this later news was quite funny as well.  I told her that daddy was going to have to have another surgery to get rid of the cancer germs.  She immediately broke into tears.  I asked her why she was crying, and through tears she said "So you won't be able to carry me to bed upside down anymore?"  

Me, "Well mama can carry you to bed upside down?"

Anna, "But I want daddy to carry me..."

Me, "Well maybe James can carry you to bed upside down?"

Anna, "James?!?! James cannot even pick me up!"

Thanks for the perspective kid...Don't worry, daddy will do everything he can to get healthy and carry you upside down to bed anytime your little heart desires.

We love you all

The Wards

"If you say nothing, that is really something"

At the Camp Tekoa confirmation retreat we show a video by The Skit Guys helping to explain the concept of grace.  In this video, The Skit Guys address the passage Romans 8:38. One of the guys in the video is playing the role of a confused teen about to help lead a bible study and the other guy is playing the role of the youth director.  The youth is supposed to be helping lead a bible study on Romans 8:38 and is confused by the last question of the study, "What can separate us from the love of God?".  He is confused because the bible says "nothing" and he doesn't think nothing is a good answer:

Here is the basis of the conversation:

Youth: (in questioning what the bible says separates us from the love of God) See it doesn't say!

Youth director: Yes it does

Youth: No it doesn't

Youth director: Yes it does, it is one word.  

Youth: Exactly!

Youth director: Yes, it says nothing!

Youth: Exactly!

Youth director: Yes that is the word!

Youth: Exactly? That's the word?

Youth director: No, it's nothing!

Youth: No, no, no, don't give me nothing, give me something!

Youth director: I'm telling you the something is nothing!

Youth: What planet are you from where something is nothing?

A few lines later in the sketch the youth director says, "No, no, no, I want you to go in there and do something, but that something is to say nothing, and if you say nothing, then Sheldon that is really something!"

Yesterday, we met with an oncologist about a treatment plan for my testicular cancer.  We were told that I had a stage 1B seminoma and that it is not believed to have spread.  The oncologist believes that the entirety of the cancer was removed during surgery.  Often, my form of cancer is treated with 1 round of chemotherapy to help prevent a reoccurrence of the cancer.  The treatment of choice at one point was radiation, but the oncologist said they are moving away from that treatment due to the long term side effects of the radiation compared to the benefit gained.  There is a 15% chance of a reoccurrence over the next 5 years and 1 round of chemotherapy would drop that to a 5% chance of reoccurrence.  If it does return, the fatality rate is only at 1 in 1,000.  There is no proof that chemotherapy would improve the fatality rate and therefore the oncologist recommendation is to not have radiation or chemotherapy.  

In telling this news to a number of folks, the first response I get back is "so they are going to do nothing?".  Well, no...they are doing something.  The oncologist called it "active surveillance."  Much like a lifeguard sits by the side of the pool actively surveying the area ready to act when needed, my oncologist will be sitting by, scanning, and ready to act if needed.  So, in my case, "nothing" really is something!  

Over the next five years, I will be seeing the oncologist on a regular basis, doing x-rays, CT scans, and blood work, to make sure the cancer has not returned.  It will start off on a 3 month basis the first year, a 6 month basis the next 2, and then annually the last 2 years.  We still had the option to do a round of chemotherapy, but thought the "active surveillance" was a good "nothing!"  

I still have some test to go through for some other things they have found in the midst of all my testing.  The first CT scan showed a spot on the right kidney.  Early test show that it is "not consistent with a cyst."  I will likely have an MRI soon to figure out if that spot is something of concern, or if it also turns out to be nothing.  They also found 2 small spots on my right lung that they are going to monitor as well.  The oncologist believes the spots are likely of no concern, but has added test to my "active surveillance" plan to keep an eye on them as well.  

The conversation from the skit above came to my mind for 2 reasons.  1. In talking about a treatment plan, it can appear as if the oncologist is doing nothing. and 2. the skit is about grace.  In confirmation, I usually define grace with the youth as "undeserved favor."  I have been extended a lot of grace by a lot of people over the last month or so.  I have been given so much undeserved favor that it has truly been humbling.  

Thank you all for the prayers, the meals, the cards, the well wishes, the visits, the childcare, the cleaning of our house, the offers to mow our yard, and the donations through go fund me (talk about undeserved favor).  Amy, Anna, James, and I can never really personally thank all the people who have shown us support over the last month.  When we have offered our thanks, many people have responded with "oh, it was nothing," but let me tell you, to our family all that "nothing" really has been something!