"If you say nothing, that is really something"

At the Camp Tekoa confirmation retreat we show a video by The Skit Guys helping to explain the concept of grace.  In this video, The Skit Guys address the passage Romans 8:38. One of the guys in the video is playing the role of a confused teen about to help lead a bible study and the other guy is playing the role of the youth director.  The youth is supposed to be helping lead a bible study on Romans 8:38 and is confused by the last question of the study, "What can separate us from the love of God?".  He is confused because the bible says "nothing" and he doesn't think nothing is a good answer:

Here is the basis of the conversation:

Youth: (in questioning what the bible says separates us from the love of God) See it doesn't say!

Youth director: Yes it does

Youth: No it doesn't

Youth director: Yes it does, it is one word.  

Youth: Exactly!

Youth director: Yes, it says nothing!

Youth: Exactly!

Youth director: Yes that is the word!

Youth: Exactly? That's the word?

Youth director: No, it's nothing!

Youth: No, no, no, don't give me nothing, give me something!

Youth director: I'm telling you the something is nothing!

Youth: What planet are you from where something is nothing?

A few lines later in the sketch the youth director says, "No, no, no, I want you to go in there and do something, but that something is to say nothing, and if you say nothing, then Sheldon that is really something!"

Yesterday, we met with an oncologist about a treatment plan for my testicular cancer.  We were told that I had a stage 1B seminoma and that it is not believed to have spread.  The oncologist believes that the entirety of the cancer was removed during surgery.  Often, my form of cancer is treated with 1 round of chemotherapy to help prevent a reoccurrence of the cancer.  The treatment of choice at one point was radiation, but the oncologist said they are moving away from that treatment due to the long term side effects of the radiation compared to the benefit gained.  There is a 15% chance of a reoccurrence over the next 5 years and 1 round of chemotherapy would drop that to a 5% chance of reoccurrence.  If it does return, the fatality rate is only at 1 in 1,000.  There is no proof that chemotherapy would improve the fatality rate and therefore the oncologist recommendation is to not have radiation or chemotherapy.  

In telling this news to a number of folks, the first response I get back is "so they are going to do nothing?".  Well, no...they are doing something.  The oncologist called it "active surveillance."  Much like a lifeguard sits by the side of the pool actively surveying the area ready to act when needed, my oncologist will be sitting by, scanning, and ready to act if needed.  So, in my case, "nothing" really is something!  

Over the next five years, I will be seeing the oncologist on a regular basis, doing x-rays, CT scans, and blood work, to make sure the cancer has not returned.  It will start off on a 3 month basis the first year, a 6 month basis the next 2, and then annually the last 2 years.  We still had the option to do a round of chemotherapy, but thought the "active surveillance" was a good "nothing!"  

I still have some test to go through for some other things they have found in the midst of all my testing.  The first CT scan showed a spot on the right kidney.  Early test show that it is "not consistent with a cyst."  I will likely have an MRI soon to figure out if that spot is something of concern, or if it also turns out to be nothing.  They also found 2 small spots on my right lung that they are going to monitor as well.  The oncologist believes the spots are likely of no concern, but has added test to my "active surveillance" plan to keep an eye on them as well.  

The conversation from the skit above came to my mind for 2 reasons.  1. In talking about a treatment plan, it can appear as if the oncologist is doing nothing. and 2. the skit is about grace.  In confirmation, I usually define grace with the youth as "undeserved favor."  I have been extended a lot of grace by a lot of people over the last month or so.  I have been given so much undeserved favor that it has truly been humbling.  

Thank you all for the prayers, the meals, the cards, the well wishes, the visits, the childcare, the cleaning of our house, the offers to mow our yard, and the donations through go fund me (talk about undeserved favor).  Amy, Anna, James, and I can never really personally thank all the people who have shown us support over the last month.  When we have offered our thanks, many people have responded with "oh, it was nothing," but let me tell you, to our family all that "nothing" really has been something!  

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Thank you all for your prayers for my family and me over the last few weeks.  I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the support and love we have been shown.

As many of you know, today was pathology report day.  I can tell you I got two pieces of news.  The first I had no strong emotional reaction to, but the second one brought a tear to my eyes.

Before I get into that, a warning, I am going to be fairly open about what has been going on, and for some of you it may be too much information.  If that is the case, I apologize and you can stop reading after the next little paragraph!

The first bit of news Doctor K. gave me is that I do likely have cancer.  The pathology will be sent off for a 2nd opinion, but that the 2nd opinion rarely comes back different with this type of cancer.  That news brought no real emotional response from me, if anything I actually had a bit of relief to finally have some answers.  As Tom Petty says, "the waiting is the hardest part."  We have been waiting for answers with a lot of "it could be this or it could be this" since early June.  I like a plan.  I like answers.  Waiting has been no fun.  It has actually been quite mentally exhausting (I have realized that this evening, in that I think I have finally allowed myself to be tired).  The 2nd bit of news he gave me is what brought a tear to my eye.  I have been dealing with a good bit of swelling after the surgery, so he would likely be keeping me out of work a bit longer...and due to that fact, he told me to go ahead with my planned vacation.  The thought of seeing my family is what really brought about an emotional response.  The joy that news brought was a bit overwhelming.  He had told me the chances of my mass being cancerous had me convinced I wouldn't be going on vacation.  Dr. K said I need to continue to rest and relax because it will still take a while to heal.  He also said if I have to rest and relax, being around family is better medicine and treatment than sitting at home!  So tomorrow I get to fly to Michigan and somehow convince a little 4 year old she cannot play too rough (or hug too rough) with daddy.  She thinks I am still coming up on Friday, so she will be shocked to see me tomorrow!  Thankfully, James isn't at the age that he will be too rough on me!  ha ha

I know many people will think that hearing cancer means that prayers have not been answered.  I can assure you that many prayers have been answered.  We have felt loved.  We have felt peace.  We have felt community.  We have felt the church (in many, many, many different states and countries).  There have been so many little things that have just worked out for the best and I don't believe are coincidence.  In the beginning of June, I likely had an infection that helped lead to the discovery of the mass.  Lots of changes were made to the mission trip for a wide variety of reasons, but almost all of the changes meant that I wasn't as needed on the trip as normal.  We randomly decided to get a credit card to earn miles for travel back in April, and had earned enough miles that it almost paid for Amy's flight home (and last minute flights are not cheap).  I could go on and on about ways that God has answered prayer.

So if you don't want too much information about me, this is a good place to stop reading.

So a seminoma is a type of testicular cancer, usually found in older guys (who knew that 39 was old for testicular cancer).  Though cancer is not a word anyone every really wants to hear, hearing seminoma was about the best bad news I could get (I've done a lot of research lately and my advertisements on the side of my computer are quite odd).  Seminoma is one of the most treatable forms of cancer.  After the 2nd opinion is given, they will determine stage and type (there are several types of seminomas).  There will likely be a number of treatment options, because seminomas respond to a number of types of treatments.  The nature of the surgery for the mass means that it essentially removes all of the cancerous mass.  

So even though I don't like to hear the phrase "almost certainly cancer," I am thankful that the wait is over and we now have some direction.  The next few months will likely still be a bumpy road, but I am thankful to have answers.  I am especially thankful to have such a large church and huge support network.

Love you all
Kevin  (and family)

Let your church be The Church

     "Let your church be The Church!"  This is a phrase I have found myself saying a lot over the last few years.  Working in the church, it is not unusual for me to be aware of "stuff" going on in church members lives.  Burdens both light to carry that will pass quickly, to burdens that are heavy and seem to have no end in sight.
     One thing always seems to be consistent though...few people carrying these burdens want to share that burden with others.  Many people think their load is to trivial, some think others simply won't understand, others think that their burden simply isn't important enough or big enough to share.  It saddens me that so many people of the church feel they must go it alone.
     So I find myself encouraging them to "let your church be The Church."  By this, I simply mean that I believe God created church to be a community that shares burdens, not hides them.  I believe God created us to be in relationship and that true relationship doesn't trivialize any burden, but carries that burden with others; sometimes even carrying that burden for others.  We aren't created for isolation, but community.  It is hard to have true community without folks willing to share not just the best of themselves, but the vulnerable and broken parts as well.
     I realize though, it is easier to say that than it is to live it.  I have learned this lesson in a very real way lately.  If you know me, you know I am not one that likes much attention.  My work in the church doesn't often allow me to be the introvert I prefer to be.  Sometimes it is easy to work in the church without really being a part of that church.  I love my church.  St. Andrew's is more than a job for me, it truly is a church home for my family.  However, I am lucky that my church also extends well beyond the walls of St. Andrew's.  I have church family in NC, WV, MI, OH, TX, CA, PA, NY...and I could go on and on with that list.  So, I am reaching out to my church family for prayer.  I am going to let my church be The Church.
     Back in June, I began having some medical issues.  Through a variety of test, they found a mass that they first tried to treat through medications.  It has not responded to medication very much, and as a result, my doctor. wants to move forward with surgery to remove the mass.  So on Monday I will be having surgery to have this mass removed.  It will take a week for the pathology reports to come back.  So I am asking my extended church family to pray for me, my family, and for good results from both the surgery and the pathology reports.  The good news is, even if it does turn out to be a cancerous tumor, it will be very treatable.  So I am not worried about long term impact, just more concerned with the normal risk of surgery.
     It is really out of my nature to want to "share to the masses" (pun intended :-)), but I also need to practice what I preach and let my church be The Church.  I know many of you will immediately want to know what you can do to help.  The simple answer is nothing outside of prayers.  I am thankful to have such a large church family and I am thankful to know that so many of you will not only say you are praying for me, but will also follow through.  I've already felt the many prayers that have been sent up on my behalf!

Love in Christ,
Kevin

What I've Learned - Paternity Leave edition

Here are some things I've learned from my paternity leave with James. (and some just from his first few months of life in general)

35 things for 35 days of leave:

1. The bar is still extremely low for dads, and it still makes me sad.  It is shocking the number of times I heard "my husband wouldn't do that" when I've told folks I'm on leave for 5 weeks with James.  
2. James is less interested in a schedule and more interested in a rhythm.  At times, he and I seem to be playing different songs. :-)  
3. The best part of my day is seeing the smile on James' face when he hears mama's voice when she and Anna get home from school. 
4. Changing diapers on boys is a very different experience.  
5. It is very hard to be productive with a 3 month old around.  I had a well intentioned "paternity leave to do list," but have not checked off a single item from that list.  
6. People get mad if you don't post enough pictures.
7. It is shocking the number of people that don't know the difference between the words maternity and paternity.  No, I am not on maternity leave.  
8. Sometimes you just need to go to the store, alone... even if you don't actually need anything.  
9. Sleep in 2-3 hour increments for an extended period of time is simply exhausting.  Amy has done it much longer than I have and I realize I have zero room to complain.
10. Despite the last one, an hour or two to myself after Amy and the kids are asleep is essential to my mental health...even if it means less sleep.   
11. I am thankful to be married to a strong and dedicated woman.  I could give a thousand examples of this, but her dedication to sticking to a very strict diet for James has really solidified this lesson. 
12. A number of people have told Amy and me that you are not a "real parent" until you have 2 kids.  I don't think having 2 kids is harder, I think it just takes good communication and teamwork between parents.  
13. Having a migraine sucks, having a migraine when you are the sole care taker for the day for a 3 month old is simply awful.  
14. Sometimes it is impossible to tell what a baby wants/needs, because the baby itself has no idea what he wants/needs.  
15. I will never understand why a business will take the time to put in a changing table in the women's bathroom, but not in the men's bathroom.  
16. When out and about with mama and daddy, James get a lot of attention.  When James is out and about with just Daddy, Daddy gets a lot of attention as well.  (And I am very happy with Amy, so I just find this amusing.  I also think this has a lot less to do with me specifically and a lot to do with lesson #1.)
17. Make a point to have an errand to run.  Several times I realized James and I hadn't left the house in days.  James and daddy both do better when we leave the house at least once a day.  
18. Laundry....so much laundry.   
19. A smile from James can make hours of crying fade away.  
20. Coffee is important.  If I have to decide between breakfast and coffee, coffee wins.
21. God has a good sense of humor.  It seems God gives you the easy baby first to bait you into a second child.  
22. As a parent, I wish I could have the energy I had in my twenties, with the life experience and perspective I have in my late 30's.  
23. Our village is still incredible.  
24. I thought we travelled heavy with just one child, but we need to rent a U-Haul to travel with 2.  Side note: flying with a 6 week old and 3 year old seems like a good idea when buying the ticket...not so much when it was time to get through security and board the plane.  Having said that, both kids did really well.   
25. Anna has surprised us with how great she has been as a big sister.  She is simply in love with her little brother. 
26. Sometimes it is necessary for your children to see you struggle and make mistakes.  You don't have to create these situations because they happen everyday, you just shouldn't always hide them.  Anna seeing us struggle and make mistakes but keep trying has been a really good lesson for her.  She reminds us often now "it's okay, we all make mistakes, just do your best."
27. I love my job and I'm a bit of a workaholic.  Being off for 5 weeks has been weird, but good for me. I wouldn't trade these last 5 weeks for anything, but I am ready to get back to my "work."
28. Babies love their pacifiers, but so do adults.  My pacifier, like many adults, is my phone.  I need to use my pacifier less...a lot less.      
29. When a baby is fussy, there are times when there is no substitute for mama.  
30. Amy and I have an amazing church and we are very thankful they have afforded me the gift of 5 weeks with James! 

Bonus lessons from a C-section, birth, and hospital stay.

1. C-sections are a very different experience than a vaginal birth.  Very very different.  
2. We treat babies like they are glass, but during a C-section they yank, pull, and twist like they are trying to get a fumble from the bottom of the pile during the Super Bowl.  
3. Circumcision is weird.
4. Sleep in a hospital is hard, both from a quality and quantity standpoint.  
5. Nurses still talk to dad's like we are 2 year olds.  

What I've Learned - 1 week - Anna

Things I have learned in Anna's first week of life:

1. How to spell Bilirubin (and that Facebook does not know how to spell Bilirubin)

2. That Hallmark has convinced a number of folks that congratulations has a "d" in the spelling.

3. Adrenaline will help you stay up for unreal amounts of time.

4. That Anna's cry can at times actually be comforting.


5. That vomit is not the only bodily function for babies that can be "projectile". 


6. That God apparently gives parents of newborns a longer lasting "battery".


7. People become much more interested in your life when you have a baby with you.


8. The rules for when to put a hat on your child and when to go without a hat are blurry and confusing.


9. That cloth diapers are the "Superhero" of baby accessories. They are amazing and super absorbent. And we don't even use them as diapers. 


10. Now there is someone else in the house, when Amy talks she is not always talking to me. 


11. That I can in fact love someone as much as I love Amy. A very different kind of love, but I'd do anything for either of them.


12. I already knew Amy was an amazing and strong person, but I have seen her be amazing and strong in incredible new ways this week.

What I've Learned - 2 weeks - Anna

What I have learned in Anna's second week of life (not an exclusive list, just some of the highlights).

1. Babies have no concept of schedule or convenience.

2. People feel a need to share their “one out of a million chance” horror baby story with you and think it is comforting to hear.

3. Everyone has an opinion on how to raise your child. Makes me think of the old saying… “Opinions are like butts...everyone has one and most of them stink.” 


4. It was way more difficult to go back to work than I thought it would be.


5. The phrase “which end is that sputtering coming from” is now a daily question. (More like hourly)


6. When I tell folks that Anna has been sleeping well and their response is “just wait, that’ll change”…it seems to always be someone who had a little one that didn’t sleep well…and they are just jealous.

7. While changing a diaper, if you hear a “bodily gurgle” sound…do not lift up to look and see what it was. 


8. There are lots of “rules” to parenting and Amy and I break most of them already…and Anna is doing just fine.


9. Taking babies out with you (to Lowes specifically) gets you faster service. 


10. A lot of folks have no faith in the ability of a new dad. (I’m getting the sense that the bar is very low for Dad’s in general, and this saddens me)


11. There is not a lot of consistency in sizing for babies clothing.


12. It is amazing how quickly human beings form habits, even at only 2 weeks old.